Updated October 4, 2024
Papers are graded against a rubric,
And so are behavioral interviews.
But I lacked a life decision-making rubric until I realized what my values were.
“What are your values?”
Someone once asked me.
I was stumped. It was embarrassing – surely, I had values, right?
They say you have to go through an inward journey, in order to know who you are.
I’ve always found that advice to be… frustratingly ambiguous.
In search for my values, I reflected on what made me lose respect for someone.
It is negative, but in the absence of my ability to distill my guiding principles into a few words, I reflected on the moments that instantly made me lose respect for someone.
In the workplace. In my friendships. Among close ones.
For me, it happened when people acted disingenuous, saving their butts instead of speaking up for others.
Courage. That was the first one.
Another thing that frustrated me was when people didn’t want to think hard.
Honesty, including honest hard work. That was the second one.
What was I running away from?
It was around this time that I was spending hours on creative projects.
I realized that what I was thirsting for was creative freedom.
Some of my friends’ values
In the sake of concreteness, here are some of my friends’ values:
Family
Faith
Connection
Community
Helping others
Knowing my values has helped me assess my life decisions.
Knowing what my values are – creative freedom, courage and honesty – has given me the strength to believe in the life decisions that I’ve made.
It’s also helped me come to terms with the fact that, if I make a decision that goes against my values because it’s convenient in the short term, I’ll be paying for it in the medium to long term.
Either way, knowing that I have some way to assess my life decisions has given me a lot more clarity and consistency in my decision-making.
Without clear values, I made inconsistent life decisions.
I made inconsistent life choices as an adolescent through my early 20s – such as who I spent my time with, and what I did with my time – because I wasn’t clear on my values.
I was more willing to “bend” on my beliefs, because I was more amenable, too.
Life felt like a rollercoaster ride, and sometimes I did do things on a whim.
While I do think gut instinct is precious, mixed in with the emotions of the day, my resulting decisions were kind of random.
My values may evolve. But writing them down was the first step in taking ownership of my life.
Without knowing my values, the tree of decisions that stemmed from them would have never seen the light.
So tell me, what are your values?
I want to know.
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